jq. (madelyn93) wrote in paper_scribbles,

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why kibum is a no show.
pairing: kibum/donghae
genre: crack
rating: g
summary: eight reasons why kibum has gone mia and one donghae who tries to help.


It's the words that attract his attention first.

Shouldn't all the time you spend gaming translate into skills? Obviously that doesn't apply to you. Did your mother teach you how to play? Never ever quit your day job.

A player has been messaging him with rude comments all day. Annoyed, Kyuhyun tracks down the player and to his surprise, finds a chibified version of Kibum.

"How did you do that?" Kyuhyun types. "I swear, you look exactly like Kim Kibum of Superjunior."

The little avatar scrunches up his face in annoyance (Kyuhyun is wowed; you can do that?) and an angry word bubble pops up. That's because I am Kibum, you dimwit. I got sucked into this virtual world months ago and none of you noticed.

Kyuhyun laughs, because the sight of this Kibum lookalike spouting out insults in little word bubbles is strangely comical. "Yeah, haha, and I'm married to Kim Taehee," he replies goodnaturedly, because he gets this every single night.

The next words makes Kyuhyun keyboard smash in surprise.

Once, when we were in Japan, you got drunk and decided to go skinny dipping... in the fountain outside the hotel. There's photographic evidence in the third drawer in my room.

Believe me now? Avatar Kibum says, his face turning into ^___^.

Hello? Hello?

There's no reply, because Kyuhyun is busy setting the third drawer on fire.

The next day, when Kibum hops out of his block of a bed (it's more comfortable than it seems, really), he immediately lets out a capslock scream because a pixelated Donghae is grinning at him through the window.

Hi Kibummie~

The room floods with hearts.



When Heechul brings home a new cat, everyone is happy. (Or at least, pretends to be happy, because it's smile or face Heechul's wrath.)

"I found it in my bed," Heechul announces, holding the cat in a position that makes it meow in protest. "I think Hankyung left him there. I shall name him Baengshin." (Because it sounds something like 배신 baeshin, betrayal, and that's what that bastard of a Hankyung did.)

Hankyung hasn't been in contact with them for two months, but everyone has the sense to keep quiet. Instead, grabby hands and baby words attack, much to the distress of the cat.

Baengshin settles in just nicely. He's very low maintenance, never making much of a fuss. He's even learnt how to use the toilet, complete with the flush. Albeit being a bit picky with his food (only top grade salmon, thanks) and a neat freak (if anyone is in the room, the cat refuses to take care of his bodily needs), Baengshin is the epitome of a perfect cat.

Until he swats over the very expensive crystal framed photograph of the 10 remaining Superjunior boys posing with the first trophy they received for Bonamana.

"Oh my god, cat, no!" An obviously distressed Donghae wails and quickly salvages the photograph from the crystal shards. "This is very important! We won!" Donghae tells the cat and shows him the picture proudly.

Baengshin meows and licks the empty space where someone had scribbled Kibum you bitch come back.

"Don't you miss him?" Donghae lets out a wistful sigh and wipes away an imaginary tear of two.

Baengshin places a paw on the empty space again and -Donghae has never thought it was possible- gives him a pointed look.

Donghae's breath catches in his throat because could it- does it mean- really? He squints at the cat, unable to squelch the blossoming hope despite of all the absurdity. "Kibum?"

Baengshin lets out a purr and licks his paw.



The moment Donghae sets foot in the house, he throws his shopping bags, save for one, aside and rushes for his room.

Scrambling down to his knees, he crooks one finger and knocks on the tiny door. "Hey Kibum," he whispers, peering down into the small dollhouse.

A miniature head peeps out, obviously fresh out from bed. Kibum runs a hand through his hair and yawns. "What."

Donghae grins at his sleepy dongsaeng. Practically trembling with excitement, he rummages through the shopping bag and proudly produces the result of four hours of retail therapy. "I was at the mall and I passed by the toy section and guess what? The clothes for Ken are exactly your size!"

"Interesting," Kibum deadpans, hating the direction this conversation is heading to. He raises an eyebrow at the tuxedo suit in Donghae's outstretched hand and holds up a hand to signal no. "Now, please leave."

But Donghae is Donghae and also 20 times bigger than Kibum so nothing Kibum says or does can deter Donghae. "Unless you'll like to dress like barbie?" Donghae happily holds up part of the Rockstar Barbie outfit, a black leather dress with what looks like an entire bottle of glitter poured on top. "It even has matching shoes!"

Kibum glances at the killer strap heels (the heels are almost the length of his palm!) and fights down a shudder. "How about neither? It's bad enough that Yesung accidentally shrunk me with that ray gun, now I have to dress in doll clothes too?"

Does Donghae even listen to him? Glee evident in his voice, Donghae smiles enticingly at Kibum. "Now let's play dress up."

"What, no!" Kibum clutches his shirt tightly, refusing to let Donghae touch the buttons, but everyone knows it's too late.

Later, Kibum sits on the kitchen table, grumpily eating a raisin.

"You look adorable in that tux!" Sungmin coos as he towers over the pixie-sized boy, fingering the velcro-ed back. "And look, easy access!"

"Don't touch me," Kibum snaps.

Everyone pays him no heed.



Kibum wipes the sweat off his brow and sighs unhappily. Gritting his teeth, he turns back to face the customer and pastes a smile on his face. "That'll be 9.90, please. Do you want a paper bag?"

The customer, an ahjumma who tries too hard to appear rich with her (garishly ugly) expensive top and (imitation) Berkin bag, slaps a ten dollar note on the counter with nary a smile.

Kibum fights the urge to throw the bill back in her face and swallows down his anger (and pride).

"I could always help," Donghae offers over the phone later, when Kibum finally returns the 14 missed calls after work. "I'm good with kids, I swear." He makes the same offer every day, regardless of how many times Kibum turns him down.

"It's my baby; I'll take care of her, thanks." Kibum runs a finger over the stubborn stain on his shirt that came about when his baby puked all over him. This will take some industrial strength detergent to get out, he thinks. He starts to compare prices before the thought of what he was doing strikes him and he stops, horrified. Domesticated already?

"But Kibum," Donghae whines. "Why do you have to work at walmart for diaper money when I could just give you everything I earn?"

As if on cue, she starts wailing and the stench of something that has become a permanent smell on him wafts over.

"I have to go." Without waiting for an answer, he hangs up on the protesting boy in Korea.



Kibum stares at his reflection in dismay. He has always been kind of pale due to his anaemia, but this is ridiculous. Leaning closer, he wonders how he can convince the management that he's been really into coloured contacts lately.

"Kibum..." Donghae peeks cautiously into the room. "Can I come in?"

Kibum sucks in his breath and clutches the edge of the dressing table so hard the wood starts to splinter under his grip. He wants him so much it hurts but he has to learn- has to learn to control his desires- "Yes." Kibum bites out the word and tries to think of unsexy thoughts such as Shiwon doing Heechul on the kitchen table (the image still sticks, whyyyyy) or Heebum pooping in the breakfast cereal.

"Okay!" All previous hesitation now forgotten, Donghae skips into the room -skips!- and happily draws the blinds open, causing Kibum to let out an anguished cry as the sunlight attacks his amber-coloured eyes.

"You sparkle," Donghae says cheerfully.

Kibum hits his head against the wall.

(Eeteuk throws a tantrum, swearing that if Kibum makes a hole in the wall, or destroys any other piece of furniture, again he will throw him in a titanium cage and let him rot alone for the rest of eternity.

Kibum is tempted to take him up on the offer.)



"Yes, yes, isn't this wonderful?" Their manager clasps his hands together, suspiciously happy as he makes the announcement. Kibum suspects that he's enjoying this way more than he should.

"I see," Kibum says and falls silent. Join SHINee! He was told. Wear sparkly outfits and dance to weird monotone songs! Well, Kibum supposes, it wouldn't be much of a change. Just less members and a lower average age.

"We need another Kibum because...?" Onew asks. He prefers to keep quiet in situations like this but he is the leader and leaders are supposed to speak up for the rest of the members and sound responsible.

"Am I being replaced?" Key frets, wringing his hands in distress. If he was being replaced, at least choose someone who rivals him in all his divaness, not a moping moper who refuses to shave!

"No, Kibum," their manager says soothingly to Key. "You're not being replaced. You're just getting less parts!"

Key looks like he's about to cry, or at least throw a hissy fit. Either way, it will not be a pretty sight. Jonghyun hurries over to comfort him, all the while glaring at Kibum (hobo Kibum, not Key Kibum) for stealing his precious member's spotlight.

The rest of the members are strangely optimistic.

"Okay then, hyung, I'll help you to learn the dance moves." Taemin looks up at him, all adoring eyes and long straight hair, and Kibum thinks dying would be a welcome choice right now.

("OH MY GOD YOU TRAITORRRRR." Donghae sobs over the phone, amazingly loud even with the few hundred miles separating Korea and Hong Kong.

"It wasn't my choice," Kibum says, resisting the urge to wail and cry and sob into his pillow.

"I hope you'll have to sing a song more bubblegum pop than Hug," Donghae spits out and Kibum gasps, horrified at the mere thought.)



Kibum adjusts his tutu and hums along to Magic Girl as he polishes his wand. Another night, another round of collecting those pesky baby teeth. Swinging his pouch around his shoulder, he grabs a handful of coins and drops them into the brown pouch before skipping out the door.

Kibum tries to remain inconspicious (as much as he can with the bright pink tutu, anyway) as he casually punches in the code for the alarm system. Once safely in, he takes care to tiptoe and feels the walls to navigate instead of turning on the light.

He supposes he doesn't need to; he has wings and the ability to magically poof in and out of rooms, after all, but it's much more fun and Kibum can pretend he's a supa sekrit spy.

This room is familiar, a voice in his mind tells him as he picks through the sleeping bodies in the living room (booze party!), and so does that guy.

But he's been in thousands of houses and seen millions of people, and houses all look kind of alike, so he dismisses the thought and barges ahead. He's getting closer, he knows, because his fairy senses are tingling.

Aha! Kibum enters the room carefully and heads for the bed. He's only slid his hand under the pillow when the boy sleeping in the bed stirs and sits up.

Donghae opens his eyes wide and clutches his blanket up against his chin, "Kibum?"

Kibum drops his wand.




"So that explains everything," Kyuhyun nods and throws his hands in the air, wondering how he never figured it out. "It all makes sense now!"

If they did the math, Kibum disappeared approximately the same time 2PM debuted and during the time 2PM was active, Kibum never even called. And all that talk about Kibum living in America despite no evidence of it ever happening. Then there's the controversy, the Mistake, the reason why Jaebum had to quit. It was never revealed... Until now?

"What the fuck," Junho manages. His eyes are widened to the maximum and yet are still smaller than Wooyoung's.

Kibum sits there in his chair, nervously running a hand up and down his arm. "Sorry I didn't tell you guys. I didn't want to spur some Dr. Jekyl and Hyde frenzy. I used to be able to control the changes but it got out of hand and I was stuck as Jaebum for a while."

Donghae cocks his head, trying to wrap his mind around the fact that his boyfriend and Jaebum is one and the same. "So when I was making out with Kibum, I was making out with Jaebum?"

No one except the 2PM members know why Taecyeon suddenly lunges at Donghae and bites his arm.

Tags: - my personal favourites ♥, donghae/kibum, group: superjunior
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